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September 28, 2005
Unnecessary Crap: iPod Edition
Pete Gontier has thoughtfully forwarded this exciting release, courtesy of MacTech.
NWINDOWS introduces a new entertainment content/ecommerce platform based on one of the most popular time-passing activities –flipping through catalogs and magazines.
"San Francisco, CA, September 27, 2005 NWINDOWS, an entertainment/ecommerce content provider for digital home and mobile applications, announced the availability of high quality catalog slideshows for viewing on the iPod and Mac OS X.
"NWINDOWS is the first to provide relaxing, 'low concentration' content in the form of high quality, no/low text catalog slideshows optimized for both 'big screen' (TV/monitor) and 'small screen' (iPod) use.
"Consumers may download and import catalog slideshows into iPhoto (or Quicktime) for viewing on the big screen, and relax while the 'pages' are turned for them as they listen to their own favorite music. Or they may enjoy their favorite catalogs while on the run, anywhere and any time they have a few extra minutes on their hands.
“ 'Clearly, there is strong demand for new, exciting content suitable for the red-hot iPod,' says Deborah Quinlan, President of NWINDOWS. 'Consumers are demanding more interesting content for use on mobile devices beyond another game or ring tone.'
“ 'Our slideshow catalog content is selected and designed specifically to be aesthetically pleasing –something that would be enjoyable to watch whether someone is interested in shopping, or not,' says Quinlan. 'We have initially partnered with Ujena Swimwear, a company that possesses a strong consumer brand image and an appeal to both women and men. We believe this content is something that consumers will enjoy watching and will want to show-off to others on their iPods.' "
The catalog slideshows are available as free downloads. Now I think maybe, just maybe, somebody would look at this stuff if it came preloaded on a device but who in the hell is going to go to the trouble of downloading, say, the Lillian Vernon catalog no matter how cute the personalized totes. But my pal, the award-winning, all-knowing Pete, actually paid attention while reading this announcement and understood it instantly. As he put it so aptly:
1. It's a new mode of acquiring more crap we don't need.
2. This isn't anything any real people really want, but that doesn't matter as long as catalog producers buy in.
3. They're launching it with porn.
Which is a truly popular time-passing activity, waaay more popular than browsing catalogs. But Pete, it's not porn. Not really, even if the body language says take me, I'm yours. Still, it seems clear that when Quinlan claims "this content is something that consumers will enjoy watching and will want to show-off to others on their iPods," what she really means is that men will love showing off babes in bikinis to other guys and adolescent boys will have a high time downloading this stuff to show off at school. (It's a pain in the ass, though. To get it on your iPod, you have to "1. Click on the thumbnails to download the photos. 2. Import them into iPhoto. 3. Select the photos and click 'New Slideshow.' " 4. Download the slideshow to your iPod. Since I'm not a hormonal 14-year-old named Jason, thanks but no thanks.)
Images of naked women have, famously, been the driving force behind many a technological development. It's possible that images of near-naked women might do the trick for NWINDOWS. Possible but unlikely. NWINDOWS appears to be more of a cash-generating scheme for the principals than an actual solution to any consumer problem. Here at Deborah Branscum Inc., which is more of a flawed cash-generating scheme for moi than an actual editorial solution to any specific business communications problem, I have great sympathy for Quinlan's plight.
And very little faith that she'll be hearing lots of ka-ching sounds anytime soon. Am I underestimating the power of scantily clad women? Lord knows, it wouldn't be the first time.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at September 28, 2005 08:31 AM
Comments
Which raises the interesting queston: Why isn't there easy-to-install porn for the iPod? It seems like there'd be a market for boys and girls everywhere and of all ages who want to look at other boys and girls of all ages getting it on.
Or maybe there is and I just don't know about it. I guess one could always download pics and put them in your iPod, same as you have to do with the catalogs.
There are erotic podcasts, however.
Posted by: Derrck Schneider at September 28, 2005 03:27 PM
I guess I have a rather broad notion of porn. For example, in my circle, the phrase "guitar porn" is used to describe marketing imagery for said widgets, such as:
http://www.guitarworld.com/movies/GW_Buyers2006.mpg
Granted, this example is a bit over-the-top, featuring, as it does, actual porn stars. But I think it's meaningful that it's the very first thing I found, and I found it within five seconds, when I googled "guitar world". the name of one of the guitar magazines. (I did not google for "guitar porn" but found it immediately anyway.)
For an even more broad use of the word "porn", see Pat Cadigan's novel Synners. After reading it, you may feel an urge to clarify which kind of porn you're referring to: food, disaster, war, sex, etc.
Posted by: Pete at September 28, 2005 07:31 PM
Derrick, there are erotic podcasts? As ever, I am *so* out of the loop. Maybe iPod porn is a new business niche. I'm sure somebody will jump on it soon. And yes, Pete, there are many examples of porn that are not sex related (Real Simple magazine is domestic organization porn at its finest) but I assumed, apparently wrongly, that you meant porn in the traditional sense. I stand corrected.
Posted by: Deborah Branscum at September 29, 2005 11:31 AM
Well, that's sort of the tricky part. I don't know precisely what I meant. But when I ponder the question directly, it seems I think swimsuit cheesecake is porn-in-the-traditional-sense in the same way stripping for tips is prostitution-in-the-traditional-sense. In fact, I might even go so far as to say I think swimsuit cheesecake is prostitution-in-the-traditional-sense. These things are all on the same continuum: exchanging sex for money. Having dabbled as a consumer at various of the tamer points on the continuum, it all felt like the same thing to me.
Posted by: Pete at September 29, 2005 06:05 PM