December 22, 2005
Happy Etc.
I'm retiring to my lair with many, many Lucia buns and a big bottle of glögg. Hope you and yours have all the booze and board games needed to survive the next couple of weeks. See you next week. Hope any holiday you choose to celebrate this season is a good one.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 03:20 PM | Comments (0)
December 14, 2005
Five Comforts in a Chilly Season
1. Côte d'Or Noir Amandes. It remains a mystery why a friend in Germany could find these luscious chocolate bars easily but I've had zero luck in Stockholm. Maybe Santa will come through on this one.
2. Miss Snark. This hard-boiled literary agent may not be female, literary or even an agent but she's damn fun to read.
3. Hostility toward pitifully performing CEOs. It's the new, fun craze nearly everyone can enjoy!
4. Ice skating in downtown Stockholm.
5. A nice, warm cuppa. Tea is good, say Swedish researchers. Time to go make another mug. You, too.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)
November 22, 2005
Stockholm: The Darkest Season
We had a lovely autumn but autumn is over. I took the photo above on November 7. On Saturday the first snow arrived, a glittery respite from the gray gray gray atmosphere created by the skeletal trees and the sun's stubborn refusal to rise at a decent hour and its unseemly haste to disappear entirely too early. Did I mention how gray it is? (And now the snow is melting. Yuck.)
The change in season means the national candle fetish is in full swing. This morning my kid and I munched our cereal by candlelight. I think it's the Swedish way of transforming an environment that could termed suicidally depressing into "cosy" and "warm." Swedes don't usually string up Christmas lights anywhere but on a tree. But I saw white Christmas lights everywhere during a February visit to Anchorage once and it was a swell idea. So this week I'll be stringing lights on just about anything not moving, so consider yourself warned.
With winter comes the need for winter boots, natch. The kid's boots are busted so we'll be buying new ones this afternoon. My old boots were fine--except for the zippers. The pull tabs were crap and disintegrated last season. (This despite the fact that in 1913 a Swede, Gideon Sundback, developed the modern zipper, the one with metal teeth. Where's the national pride in Sweden's rich zipper history?) Paper clips make lousy pull tabs, it turns out, and fall apart quickly but not before poking holes in your fingers when you pull up the zippers. Mr. Too Tall, my better half, suggested key rings. It will never work, I thought, but I tried it this morning and he was right.
There's an advantage to such wacky pull tabs. When you visit a friend and leave your boots in the hall (in the big pile of boots that are heaped in hallways in homes and schools all over Sweden this time of year), it's much easier to find them again on your way out. One time I had to find my boots in a collection of twelve or so pairs of black footware at a student performance and it was a bigger pain than you might imagine. Think black carry-on on an airport carosel of black carry-ons and you've got the idea. I'm ridiculously pleased that I won't have that problem now. Assuming the rest of the boots hold up!
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 11:36 AM | Comments (1)
October 25, 2005
The Kinky Appeal of Avian Flu
The Avian Flu is coming. Are you scared yet? You should be. Various newspapers and helpful outlets like The History Channel are doing their best to scare the bejeesus out of us. But why would we allow ourselves to be scared? Physician Abigail Zuger shares her experience in a terrific essay in today's New York Times. Some of her patients prefer to worry about unlikely health threats rather than actual health threats. (Don't miss the emphysema sufferer who prefers worrying about avian flu to quitting cigarettes.) Once again, denial trumps reality. And why not? Reality is a bitch.
"Of four patients I saw in a single hour last week, three announced how scared they were of the avian flu. I reassured them, but there was quite a bit I did not say, and here it is.
"I did not say: If you want to be scared, then how about that drug habit of yours you think I don't know about? How about the fact that you are 100 pounds overweight and eat nothing but junk? How about the fact that in a few short months Medicaid is going to stop paying for your very expensive medications and no one knows how just high that Medicare Part D deductible and co-payment are going to be? I did not say: If you want something to be scared of, how about the drug-resistant Klebsiella that is all over this very hospital, an ordinary run-of-the-mill bacterial strain that has become so resistant to so many antibiotics that we've had to resurrect a few we stopped using 30 years ago because they were so toxic.
"That Klebsiella is one scary germ. It's in hospitals all over the country, and by now it's probably killed a thousandfold more people than the avian flu.
"But you don't hear much about our Klebsiella. Like our bad habits and our dismally insoluble health insurance tangles, our antibiotic-resistant bacteria are with us, right here, right now."
Speaking of dismally insoluble health insurance tangles, it's nice to see Wal-Mart's charm offensive include more affordable health insurance for its employees. Although that won't solve all their problems. If they get seriously ill the first year, they're screwed thanks to a $25K cap on benefits. And if Barbara McNees has her way, the naughty ones won't get coverage because they won't deserve it. McNees is president and CEO of the Greater Pittsburgh Chamber of Commerce and as a representative of small businesses, she's understandably concerned about the employer cost of health insurance.
"We must deal with the 600-pound gorilla sitting in the national living room -- health care spending that is approaching one-sixth of U.S. gross domestic product. This will require nothing less than wrenching changes in health care delivery, health care financing (e.g., no payments for preventable patient injuries such as hospital-acquired infections) and individual accountability for behavioral choices."
Individual accountability for behavioral choices: Does that mean smokers would no longer be entitled to health insurance? That only wealthy people would be able to afford character defects, at least when it came to medical treatment? Isn't getting lung cancer, say, accountability enough? Do we have to thumb our noses at people who may have made some poor choices and deny them insurance coverage as well? That is one scary concept. Scarier, even, than avian flu. McNees may spring from upstanding, Puritan stock that never exhibited human weakness or fraility in any way. Most Americans can't make that claim. We're flawed; so are the people we love. But not as flawed as McNees' idea or a health system that leaves millions without coverage.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 04:02 PM | Comments (1)
October 24, 2005
Autumn Glory
It was zero (that would be 32 degrees for you Farenheit fans) when I woke up this morning just before 7 a.m. It was still dark because dawn didn't yawn into being until 7:45 a.m. So I dragged my Philips Bright Light gizmo out of storage and plugged it in for the season's first light session, then I pulled on my long johns and got dressed. Soon I'll be heading off to work, walking from the island of Kungsholmen, where I live, over Västerbron (West bridge) to Södermalm and my small office near Hornstull. (Supposedly there's a grocery store for singles in my work neighborhood. When I lived in the Marina district of San Francisco in the 1990s the local Safeway was supposedly a hot pick-up joint but the hype far outstripped reality.)
The photo above was taken near the end of the bridge, close to Södermalm. That view, and the one below, is part of what makes living here wonderous. Winter's icy grasp is inching closer. Soon the autumn finery will be gone from the trees. Beginning next week, with the passing of daylight savings time, Stockholm will be covered in darkness for far too long.
But not forever. In the meantime, I'll keep walking to work and enjoying the view. Now you can, too.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 10:21 AM | Comments (1)
October 06, 2005
The Power of Possessions
Paula was my best friend in junior high and high school. We both had difficult lives but hers was especially hard. I always admired how cheerful, good-natured and generous she was despite that. And how funny. I'll never forget how easily she could make me laugh. Both of us loved books but neither of us had any money. Paula planned to have a huge library one day and dazzled me one night with a box of books under her bed. She actually owned 13 or 14 books. I was jealous.
We both loved the goopy cinnamon rolls sold in the cafeteria but they cost a fortune, 50 cents. So we took turns buying one roll and sharing it, but not straight down the middle. The sticky center was the very best part, so one day Paula got the center and one day I did. The cinnamon-roll agreement was probably my most successful partnership ever.
The two of us took different paths after high school. I stayed in California and Paula moved to Colorado. I have seen her rarely since then but I think of my friend often. I know she's a great mom, an accomplished martial arts practioner and an all-around talented woman. And she's still generous. When I saw her last, about seven years ago, she gave me a huge Colorado t-shirt that I still wear to bed.
I mention this because I used that t-shirt to help me survive the first conference I created, in 2000. The night before the event I was a mess and not at all sure I could pull it off. I'd never been much of a public speaker and yet I planned to moderate many of the panels before a sold-out crowd of 200 people. So I went off to the hotel I was staying at for the night before armed with a bracelet from my mom, earrings from my grandmother and that t-shirt from Paula. My mother and grandmother were both dead, and Paula and I had stopped being close friends years before. But that didn't matter. I needed their support to get through the most challenging professional day I had ever had. Sleeping in Paula's t-shirt and, the next day, wearing the jewelry made me feel surrounded by their love. (It was a kick-ass conference, by the way.)
I've been a lousy friend to Paula as an adult, entirely missing in action. But she has been a good friend to me. I will never forget our teenage adventures, sorrows and joys. Thanks for the tee, kiddo. (And for the really nice bell you gave to Disa, it's hanging in my kitchen.) I'm sorry I've been a deadbeat. Happy birthday! Hope you and the kids are well and happy.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 11:46 PM | Comments (0)
September 27, 2005
The Katrina Blame Game: We're All Guilty
Yesterday former FEMA head Michael Brown told Congressional aides "he should have sought faster help from the Pentagon after Hurricane Katrina hit, and blamed state and local officials for failing to order an immediate evacuation of New Orleans," according to an AP report. Inspired by Brown's candor (in other news: sun rises in East), I'd like to share a satire I wrote on September 6, back when I was furious but too far away from the disaster to do anything but write. Since Brown has resigned from FEMA, the piece is outdated and yet, oddly, still entirely too accurate. How can that be? Let's take a little stroll down memory lane and find out.
The FEMA Customer Satisfaction Survey
by Deborah Branscum
Dear Evacuee:
As head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, I want to thank you and all the other residents of New Orleans for giving our agency and the federal government an opportunity to serve you. Please help us improve by taking this survey about our response to Hurricane Katrina. Check all items that apply.
1. Which aspects of federal service stood out for you?
___Inability to locate New Orleans after hurricane struck
___Sending in Geraldo ahead of the troops
___Cutting Jefferson Parish’s emergency communications line
___Turning away water donations from Wal-Mart
___Underutilizing the USS Bataan’s helicopters, doctors,
hospital beds, and water-generation facilities
___Successfully managing the equine mortality rate
2. Where was your FEMA representative located?
___On site
___Within 20 miles
___Within 50 miles
___In another state
___On another planet
3. How did your FEMA representative repond to your cry for help?
___Promptly and efficiently
___Wasn’t authorized to handle problem
___Was out to lunch
___Was out to get you
4. The FEMA representative who promised (1 to 3 days after the hurricane) to rescue your family was courteous and helpful.
___Agree
___Disagree
___Don’t remember
5. The FEMA representative who promised (3 to 5 days after the hurricane) to rescue your family was courteous and helpful.
___Agree
___Disagree
___Don’t remember
6. The FEMA representative who promised (5 to 9 days after the hurricane) to retrieve the bodies of family members was courteous and helpful.
___Agree
___Disagree
___Don’t remember
7. Early on Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security Secretary, said the federal government was unaware that local levees might break from storm damage and that residents were stranded inside the city’s Convention Center after the hurricane. If you and Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu found yourselves locked inside a room with the Secretary, would you:
___Prevent the Senator from bitch-slapping Chertoff
___Hold Chertoff down so the Senator could get in a good shot
___Wait your turn to slam the Secretary’s head repeatedly against a solid, unyielding surface
8. How did the FEMA rap for kidz (“Disaster. . . it can happen anywhere, But we've got a few tips, so you can be prepared, For floods, tornadoes, or even a 'quake, You've got to be ready - so your heart don't break. Disaster prep is your responsibility, And mitigation is important to our agency...”) help your children cope with Katrina?
___Taught children lessons for rescuing themselves
___Taught children lessons for rescuing their family
___Don’t know, children still missing
If you are Caucasian, you have now finished the survey. If you are not, please answer two final questions.
9. When former First Lady Barbara Bush toured the Houston Astrodome where thousands of evacuees are staying, she said, “So many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them." Do you:
___Agree
___Disagree
___Want Barbara’s home address
10. Now that the Big Easy has gone Down Under--twice--there’s a whole new world of opportunity for evacuees. Some predict an upcoming boom in public health risks, while Fidel Castro is eager to send the U.S. aid. Given that perspective, and for planning purposes only, in which promising location will you build your future?
___Bagdad
___Chechnya
___Abuja
Please accept the enclosed Pine-scented auto air freshener as a small token of our thanks for rating our response. It was our priviledge to serve you in the wake of Katrina. Enjoy those combat rations and good luck with your relocation!
Sincerely,
Michael D. Brown
(Former) Under Secretary of Emergency Preparedness and Response
Need a hard worker? I'm available to help your agency meet its goals!
© 2005 Deborah Branscum. All rights reserved.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 09:54 AM | Comments (0)
June 23, 2005
Pining for Place
I'm off to the country to frolic in the woods, fight ticks and pee in the woods. It's the Swedish way. Then it's off to New York, then the Bay Area and back to home a month later. Now that I've moved, it's weird to go back. I pine for the place that I left but it doesn't exist anymore. Staying with friends is both trying and a treasure. A treasure because they are so warm and wondeful. Trying because I want to be able to say bye after dinner and go home, that place I used to live, in the drafty, falling down bungalow on a block between Happy Produce and the county library. But that's not home anymore.
Is that why some people travel so much? Looking for the home they've lost or misplaced? Maybe they can find it on the 7 River Art Road in Sweden. Click on no. 4 for a church-like artwork that anyone could worship.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 11:49 AM | Comments (1)
April 21, 2005
Hotel Hanger Thief Explains Business Model
eHotelier.com offers snippets from the 2002 trial of a British man charged with stealing 40,000 hotel hangers--for clients. Excerpt below but the rest is well worth reading.
Counsel: And people come to you, do they, asking you to make special wardrobes so that they can use stolen clothes hangers?
Accused: It isn't so much the fact that they are stolen that makes them attractive. You have to remember that many top businessmen spend more of their time in hotels than in their own home. They become used to hotel life. They think of hotels as home. Therefore they become used to hotel hangers and think of them as normal, and on the rare occasions when they spend some time at home they can't stand these fiddly things with hooks which you and I may think of as normal but which the business traveller thinks of as loose-fitting and badly designed. So they come to me and get me to make a hotel-style wardrobe.
Counsel: Are you seriously suggesting that there are people who prefer hotel life to home life?
Accused: Certainly. A lot of businessmen would never go home if they had the chance. So when they get home they like to recreate the hotel experience in their own house. Many of my clients have their own mini-bars in their bedrooms. They have TV sets at the end of the bed on a raised shelf, often with an adult sex channel on it. All their bathroom products come in wrappers and are thrown away each day. I have even known people in their own home put out "Do Not Disturb" notices on the door of their own bedroom.
Counsel: Stolen, presumably, from some hapless hotel.
Accused: Never call a hotel hapless. They know what they are doing. No hotel loses money willingly. They may have things taken from them, but the stuff that guests leave behind is just as valuable.
Counsel: Are you serious when you say that clients of yours drink from their own minibars in their own bedrooms in their own homes?
Accused: Certainly. And just as in a hotel, they grumble about the price and size of the bottles, and the absence of ice.
Counsel: So why don't they get a proper fridge in their bedroom?
Accused: Because then it wouldn't be like a hotel.
Posted by Deborah Branscum at 12:56 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack